What a day

Day 1 & 2 recap

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I thought Day 1 was going to be hard…

And it was, because of a 5:00 am wake up to make it for a 6:30 weigh in (which would have been enough to leave me exhausted for the whole week)…then from the radio studio to BFF’s house to get Cooper, then drive across town, drop him at daycare, and then back to the office. All before 8:30am. Phew.

My first workout was at noon (on my lunch break from work), which entailed a warm up that made my legs so jelly they stopped working correctly. I didn’t think I was going to be able to finish. But, with a little encouragement from my trainer and some motivation from a pesky billboard bet, I survived countless lunges/squats/burpees/etc.

My diet was okay. Full disclosure: I wasn’t incredibly prepared for the week and didn’t grocery shop, so I ate Chick-fil-a for lunch… But I opted for grilled nuggets and kale, which wasn’t a total departure. Thankfully, my amazing BFF helped me out with dinner plans and made a nutritious and delicious soup, which made it easy to stick to my clean diet.

Quite honestly, I was too tired most of the day to even consider being hungry but I know that I didn’t fuel myself enough because I was so drained. I hit my bed at 9:00pm and didn’t look back.

BUT

Day 2 was brutal.

I’m not sure exactly what it was, but day 2 had me questioning the longevity of this endeavor.

Early on I made an attempt to eat more, and better, since I seemed to run out of energy the day before- which was a good call. My lunchtime workout was, once again, full of lunges and squats and things that I didn’t think my body was capable of… but I did it! Later that day, however, I could barely walk the steps up to Coop’s daycare. My body was tired.

And everything else was tired, too. By the time I got home I was tired & hangry with a demanding four year old and an empty refrigerator. I had a moment. After the moment, I gathered myself (with the encouragement of aforementioned BFF), went to the grocery store, and put together a quick and easy meal of sweet potatoes, broccoli and chicken, all baked together on the same pan in the same oven. Voila!

After the toddler bedtime routine I treated myself to a nice Epsom salt bath. My muscles are really really struggling. I keep having to remind myself that I knew this would happen. I remember this feeling. Once upon a time way back when I was an athlete this feeling was an every day occurrence and I loved it! I need to find that place again… Maybe tomorrow.

 

What I weigh is what I weigh

for now.

Right off the bat, the public nature of this competition resulted in a moment or two of panic. I mean, first of all it’s titled “Motivation by Humiliation”… There are a lot of aspects that are nerve racking about that as it stands. My honest initial fears were: Are they going to announce my start weight on air? Will they do before photos? Post them on Social Media?

My brain went into a tailspin. People are going to know a little too much for comfort. I almost backed out.

Weight loss, for whatever reason, is something that people feel very strongly about. It is a touchy, emotional subject. Everyone has their own expectations and judgments based on their personal experiences and perception. But that’s just it. It’s their opinion and their perception. No one can feel exactly how I feel about my body. This is not about someone else’s opinion, not even Bert (even though he will be personally invested) or A.B. (my amazing trainer who is leading me through this). It’s about me being the best version of me for me. 

Adding the public nature of a weight loss competition on the radio is an incredibly vulnerable place to be. Personally coming to terms with your body and how you feel about it without the opinions or criticisms of how other’s feel about it is tough. Super tough. Adding those opinions into the mix makes it even more tricky.

Ya know what though?

Fuck it.

I’m being honest and open and vulnerable. I’m going to be true to myself and commit to this journey of health and it’s not because of anyone’s Facebook comments or because of someone else’s opinion. It might be slightly cause of that billboard thing, thoughBut mostly it’s to prove to myself that I’m a BOSS BITCH.

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P.S. Also, what I weigh is what I weigh. It’s a number. A unit of measure. I said I wasn’t ashamed of my body and I’m not. I weighed 187 pounds.

Let’s just be clear

Laying it all out from the get-go.

I don’t hate my body. I am not depressed or shameful of what I look like. I actually really love my body. I have been on a 29-year-long self love journey of ups and downs to get to the point where I really and truly do accept this body of mine, which makes this part of the journey even more important and exciting.

I’m in a place where I feel acutely aware of what my body does, how it works, and, most importantly, what it’s capable of. My reasons for signing up for this are focused around the knowledge that my body is not where it can be for me.

I have been fit. I’ve been super fit. I’ve gotten unfit and fit again. I’ve exercised and dieted and eaten clean and eaten (very) not clean and done all of it for the right reasons and for the wrong reasons.

What I really am ready for, and what I hope to get out of this challenge besides not ending up on a billboard naked, is to combine all of this history of ups and downs and goods and bads, and get into a steady and happy and focused lifestyle that I know I’m not far from.

And I can’t wait.

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Pictured: Me being happy with ice cream

What else would a Millenial do?

Possibly gettin’ naked on a billboard.

I have this tendency to do a certain kind of thing.

It’s in the name of “I do what I want,” and/or “YOLO,” or … “Whatever.” Ya know?

It’s not that anything I do like this is ever necessarily a bad idea or completely crazy, but there’s always a slight chance for complete disaster.

Monday afternoon, Bert from The Bert Show called me to tell me that he had chosen me to be his contestant for the challenge “Motivation by Humiliation.” Basically, all the hosts choose one listener to represent them in a fitness and weight loss competition and the loser’s host ends up on a Billboard in downtown Atl. Naked.

holy crap what did I get myself into.

That was my initial reaction. But also a whole lot of “HOLY SHIT THAT’S AWESOME!”

I’m really excited to take part in it. I get a freakin’ ripped (hot) trainer, A.B., who is going to look out for me and do his best to make sure Bert and I don’t lose, it’s going to be a fun journey (and this is the kind of stuff that really motivates me), and hopefully in the end I’ll have a hot body going into my 30th year on this planet. I’m also secretly plotting ways to make the Bert Show cast my BFFs…

Anywho, are you guys ready for the kicker?

I’m 99% sure that the reason I was chosen is because I offered myself up to join in on the losing host’s misery if I should fail them. That’s right. If I lose, I get naked. On a billboard. With Bert. It’s gonna be all kinds of awkward and weird and also funny but probably not in a good way for me.

So that’s it. That’s the latest snafu that I’m stirred up in. I’m going to document and lament and laugh and probably cry, and since it’s already pretty public being on a radio show and all, I figure I should also probably share it all in blog form. What else would a millennial do?


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