Going into this I knew it would be a real struggle physically, but I was ready for it. The hardest part of it all, as I have said, is the rest of life. I couldn’t figure out how to balance being a mom, working full time, feeding myself (healthily), and also a 100% increase in physical activity. I still haven’t figured that out. Last week was REALLY tough, but I’m happy to report that this week I have really gotten into the groove of it all.
This week has been better partially because I’m not as sore and my body is getting used to the increased activity, and also because I was more prepared for my meals, but mostly because my mom is here helping me with Cooper J It feels so nice to have a little break…And it’s only been a week. Ya’ll-big props to all the single moms out there makin’ it work and fitting in the gym because this shit is hard. I mean it was hard already, but adding in the “me time” into my already full schedule has got me all kinds of frazzled.
SO… Since the week is all fine and dandy and such, I’m throwing a wrench in it and starting to truly do two-a-days! The workouts with AB have been pretty tough in a lunge-burpee-squat kind of way, so I’m incorporating a second cardio workout into the routine (spin class, running, yoga) just to mix it up and keep my body working. Wish me luck. (Today I’ve already done spin and I have personal training on my lunch break).
In other news, I weighed myself for the first time… and it was freakin’ awesomely motivating. I’m not going to spill the beans on here because we have our first weigh in (on air!) on Monday at 7:00am, so tune in to The Bert Show!
Also, wish me luck not blowing all my hard work on Super Bowl festivities this weekend. #riseup
Right off the bat, the public nature of this competition resulted in a moment or two of panic. I mean, first of all it’s titled “Motivation by Humiliation”… There are a lot of aspects that are nerve racking about that as it stands. My honest initial fears were: Are they going to announce my start weight on air? Will they do before photos? Post them on Social Media?
My brain went into a tailspin. People are going to know a little too much for comfort. I almost backed out.
Weight loss, for whatever reason, is something that people feel very strongly about. It is a touchy, emotional subject. Everyone has their own expectations and judgments based on their personal experiences and perception. But that’s just it. It’s their opinion and their perception. No one can feel exactly how I feel about my body. This is not about someone else’s opinion, not even Bert (even though he will be personally invested) or A.B. (my amazing trainer who is leading me through this). It’s about me being the best version of me for me.
Adding the public nature of a weight loss competition on the radio is an incredibly vulnerable place to be. Personally coming to terms with your body and how you feel about it without the opinions or criticisms of how other’s feel about it is tough. Super tough. Adding those opinions into the mix makes it even more tricky.
Ya know what though?
I’m being honest and open and vulnerable. I’m going to be true to myself and commit to this journey of health and it’s not because of anyone’s Facebook comments or because of someone else’s opinion. It might be slightly cause of that billboard thing, though… But mostly it’s to prove to myself that I’m a BOSS BITCH.
P.S. Also, what I weigh is what I weigh. It’s a number. A unit of measure. I said I wasn’t ashamed of my body and I’m not. I weighed 187 pounds.
Laying it all out from the get-go.
I don’t hate my body. I am not depressed or shameful of what I look like. I actually really love my body. I have been on a 29-year-long self love journey of ups and downs to get to the point where I really and truly do accept this body of mine, which makes this part of the journey even more important and exciting.
I’m in a place where I feel acutely aware of what my body does, how it works, and, most importantly, what it’s capable of. My reasons for signing up for this are focused around the knowledge that my body is not where it can be for me.
I have been fit. I’ve been super fit. I’ve gotten unfit and fit again. I’ve exercised and dieted and eaten clean and eaten (very) not clean and done all of it for the right reasons and for the wrong reasons.
What I really am ready for, and what I hope to get out of this challenge besides not ending up on a billboard naked, is to combine all of this history of ups and downs and goods and bads, and get into a steady and happy and focused lifestyle that I know I’m not far from.
And I can’t wait.
Pictured: Me being happy with ice cream